Why eat bacon if...

You can eat spiced marcona almonds? They are spicy, salty, addictive, and delicious.

Epicurious has a great recipe for them here.

Do yourself one better and buy packs of the suckers from the Park Slope Food Coop.

Cooking Makes a Comeback

So much promised for the new year. Handing over private information you wouldn't share with a stranger at a bar (thanks, census); the Dubai International Arabian Horse Championships (book early!); and, of course, waiting with baited breath to see if residents of Vancouver, Washington, tired of playing second fiddle to British Columbia, change the town's name to Fort Vancouver (a civic initiatve launched at no less hallowed ground than Tommy O's).

And, of course, the blog. I've been inspired by the discovery of some of my grandmother's recipes (long thought lost) and this New York Times story, which features non-Jewish chefs who cook their spouses' kosher favorites on the holidays.

As my friend points out, the article is "amazing because basically every couple is jewish woman-goy man... quite a change for the shiksha-loving NYTimes... when did this happen? "

Thanks for getting with it, NYT.

Your moment of zen:

“I would love to cook the Seder meal,” one famous non-Jewish chef said of Passover dinner with his in-laws. (He asked to remain anonymous to avoid their wrath.) “The food has got to be better.”

Clearly he's been married long enough to anticipate the wrath. Good job, anonymous.

This Soup Will Save Your Life

I've been living without air conditioning, either because I'm a masochist or lazy, or some combination thereof. (Though I do have a mighty fine box fan in the window.)

Anyway, as a result, I've been making this cherry soup like crazy. It was the star of the first-ever Brooklyn Kosher-Test Kitchen. It's inspired by Mark Bittman, but I've changed it. It is also as parve as you wanna be.

Ingredients
1-2 pounds sour cherries -- one bag or plastic container should make about 4 servings
1 tsp cornstarch mixed w/ 2 tsp water
pinch salt
1/4 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp grated lemon zest
2 tbs canned cream of coconut (to taste)

Directions
Pit the cherries -- a messier ordeal than you might imagine. (At least, for this slob it is.) Put them in a saucepan with water to cover. Add cornstarch, salt, cinnamon. Cook on medium heat, until the cherries are very soft. Depending on how ripe they are, this could take anywhere from 20 - 30 minutes.

Add the lemon zest, then the canned cream of coconut. Puree with an immersion blender. This can also get messy! I wouldn't puree all the way - it's more interesting that way.

Chill.

Serve with ice cubes, sprigs of mint, yogurt (which makes it not parve, fyi). I particularly like it with fage and sprinkled with crushed walnuts.

The soup can be a first course, dessert, breakfast -- depending on how much you sweeten it. In that way, it's like those versatile dresses that get popular every few years, that you can wear in 101 stupid ways.



Difference between soup and dress? Soup you can eat. And it is considerably less complicated than the above.

FYI: Bittman calls for sugar to sweeten, but I think we all eat too much white sugar as it is. And this cream of coconut -- which you can freeze, by the way -- is kosher, and keeps the dish extra fruity.

Long, Strange Trip + turkey kebabs and mint chutney

It wasn't strange at all, or very long. I journeyed, among other places, to the land of Lewis and Clark. This was pretty thrilling for someone who grew up playing the Oregon Trail video game at day camp.

Anyway, prior to this, I held my first Brooklyn Test Kitchen: Cheeseburger-a-thon at my apartment. The goal was to create a beef burger with blue cheese. The result was a turkey kebab with a strange cheese "sauce." Or rather, because the cheese was parve -- made with vegan ingredients -- a "cheese" sauce. Also, because it was the nine days -- the period of time before Tisha B'Av, a mournful day of fasting on the Hebrew calendar, and a time when one typically, or traditionally, does not eat meat -- I couldn't find beef anywhere in all of Brooklyn. Only ground turkey.

In the end, I made delicious kebabs, served with sour cream and mint chutney. The kebabs, or sausages, are quite hearty and delicious, and taste like red meat (but for way less calories or environmental impact, for that matter). The "cheese" sauce is still in the test area; I'm going to experiment with nutritional yeast for the next go-round.

Kebabs/Sausage Patties

1 pound ground turkey
1 egg
2 - 3 cloves garlic, chopped
1/2 onion, chopped
handful minced dill
handful minced chives
pinch ground ginger
2 tbs (or more) chicken curry (powdered)
1/4 cup breadcrumps (optional -- for a Pesach version, leave it out; the worcestershire sauce too)
splash worcstershire sauc

Mix all of those ingredients in a bowl -- but do not overmix. Then form into very small - about 1.5 - 2 inch patties -- and grill, either outside, on a stove-top pan, or in the broiler. Truly delicious. I served them with Tofutti sour cream, which is parve. To go with it, you can also whip up a super fast mint chutney.

Chutney courtesy Epicurious.com
1 cup packed fresh mint leaves
4 scallions, coarsely chopped
1 small fresh green serrano chile, coarsely chopped (1 to 1 1/2 teaspoons), including seeds
1 large garlic clove, chopped
1/4 cup fresh lime juice
2 tablespoons water
2 teaspoons sugar
3/4 teaspoon ground cumin
3/4 teaspoon salt

Blend ingredients a food processor, and you're done.

The take-home of the whole event was that cooking is so much like writing. You think you're going to make one thing, and in the end it's something else. The trick of it is to figure out what you've done, and what to do with it.

Parve Cornbread

So I'm a huge meat person. But more and more, I look to vegan recipes, especially for side dishes. That makes it possible to serve a meat entree with side dishes that would otherwise be milchik - and therefore not kosher.

This cornbread recipe comes courtesy of my friend's cousin. She writes:

This is a delicious basic vegan cornbread. It is moist and crunchy and corntastic. It is not a sweet bread, but a bread to be savored with soup or smothered with guacamole. For best results, use old-fashioned cornmeal.

Ingredients
2 cups cornmeal (I like coarse ground)
1 cup unbleached all-purpose flour
2 teaspoon baking powder
1/3 cup canola oil
2 tablespoons maple syrup
2 cups soy milk
2 teaspoons apple cider vinegar
1/2 teaspoon salt

Directions
Preheat oven to 350, line a 9x13 baking pan with parchment paper or spray the bottom lightly with non-stick cooking spray.

In a medium bowl, whisk together the soy milk and the vinegar and set aside.

In a large bowl, sift together the dry ingredients (cornmeal, flour, baking powder and salt).
Add the oil and maple syrup to the soy milk mixture. Whisk with a wire whisk or a fork until it is foamy and bubbly, about 2 minutes.

Pour the wet ingredient into the dry and mix together using a large wooden spoon or a firm spatula. Pour batter into the prepared baking pan and bake 30-35 minutes, until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. Slice into squares and serve warm or store in an airtight container.

I can't believe it's kosher, part 1

Idea. Coca-Cola shares its red jacket with the West's most famous fat man. No, not the unsung heroes of Nathan's Famous hot-dog eating contests.

I mean, Joey Chestnut and Takeru Kobayashi are hardly porkers:




I'm talking about this guy.



He didn't figure that big into my childhood, either, but neither did Coke.

Which brings me to my point.

In 1931, the Coca-Cola company hired Haddon Sundbloom to create an image of Santa drinking Coke. Until Sundbloom's portrait, Santa was more commonly pictured like this:



Wait, no.

He looked like this:



Or this:



Or this:



Basically, if Coca Cola is responsible for creating the greatest goy in the world, then how come Orthodox Jews will drink this stuff on Pesach? Why, in fact, is Coke kosher at all?

As my friend points out: Coca Cola came out of Santa's rib.

I can't believe it's not kosher

Coming back late from Montauk yesterday, I noticed that the local bodega carried Vosges chocolate, a surprisingly highbrow brand for a place that devotes several shelves to Spam. While waiting for my friend, I perused the options. Mine eyes alighted on Mo's Bacon Bar, described as "applewood smoked bacon, Alder wood smoked salt, deep milk chocolate. 41% cacao."

Doth mine eyes deceive me?

Honestly I couldn't believe it. Was I tempted? No, because I was conditioned to think that bacon smells like vomit. (Even so many years after graduating I still feel that way.) But I'm sure the salt + chocolate thing is excellent. So the truth is, in fact, I was a little jealous.

Anyway, a Google Images search revealed that it is, in fact, a thing. (More-observant readers might want to avert their eyes.)







I thought when it came to food that was bad for you, we were the light upon the nations.

But no.